Pixy Stix

It has been proven impossible to look appealing while eating a pixy stick.
For one thing, you never eat just one. Just like you never eat just one pistachio, M&M, tortilla chip, or anything else relatively appealing.
You eat six or seven of each flavor and have trouble focusing for the rest of the day.

While eating a pixy stick, you're forced to tip your head back with reckless abandon, close your eyes, open your mouth, and shake the tiny little packet onto your tongue; completing the most embarrassing act of your entire life.
Since your eyes are closed and your body has just dissolved a hefty amount of sugar, you have no idea how stupid you look or that you couldn't possibly not look wonderful.
Think of the most attractive person you know and imagine them eating a pixy stick.
Even they can't make it work.
Pixy Stix also turn normal children into crazy, hyper children that don't stop moving, talking, or shaking until at least the next day.
And because having just the tiny packets wasn't enough, Willy Wonka created this additional pixy treat:

This is the big pixy stick. It's just more sugar in one place for children to ingest all by themselves.

But even so, they're definitely the most real of all the candies.They don't pretend to be healthy, gourmet, or harmless at all.
They're self aware.

Pixy Stix are the heroin of candy.