Pixy Stix

It has been proven impossible to look appealing while eating a pixy stick.
For one thing, you never eat just one. Just like you never eat just one pistachio, M&M, tortilla chip, or anything else relatively appealing.
You eat six or seven of each flavor and have trouble focusing for the rest of the day.

While eating a pixy stick, you're forced to tip your head back with reckless abandon, close your eyes, open your mouth, and shake the tiny little packet onto your tongue; completing the most embarrassing act of your entire life.
Since your eyes are closed and your body has just dissolved a hefty amount of sugar, you have no idea how stupid you look or that you couldn't possibly not look wonderful.
Think of the most attractive person you know and imagine them eating a pixy stick.
Even they can't make it work.
Pixy Stix also turn normal children into crazy, hyper children that don't stop moving, talking, or shaking until at least the next day.
And because having just the tiny packets wasn't enough, Willy Wonka created this additional pixy treat:

This is the big pixy stick. It's just more sugar in one place for children to ingest all by themselves.

But even so, they're definitely the most real of all the candies.They don't pretend to be healthy, gourmet, or harmless at all.
They're self aware.

Pixy Stix are the heroin of candy.

Save the Giants

In an effort to cultivate my deep, uninhibited love for Ewan McGregor, I recently viewed his latest movie, Jack the Giant Slayer  (formerly known as Jack the Giant Killer, but Slayer is just so much better).

It features Nicholas Hoult (the boy from About a Boy) and Stanley Tucci (that bald actor from every movie ever, though he's not bald in this one).
It was good, though I was slightly bewildered at the manner in which the giants were so wrongly portrayed.
First, the giants referred to Erik (the man who first saved the earth from the giants by heroically chopping down the beanstalk between the two worlds so they could not reach one another) as Erik the Terrible, while humans refer to Erik as Erik the Great.
From the giant's perspective, Erik ruined all of their evil plans. From the perspective of the human race, Erik did a good thing.
Giants never win.
And they should.

Second, when the humans encounter the giants in their land (in the sky), the giants genuinely believe the legend of Erik and fear for the disturbance of humans on their land (in the sky). While on earth, the humans didn't believe in the existence of giants at all and thought legend was just BS.
Now, come on.
If the giants were as secluded from the humans as the humans were from the giants, wouldn't the giants come to believe that humans were just as much of a legend as humans believed the giants to be?
And that's not all.
The land of the giants (in the sky) is basically just forest. And the giants live in caves. And eat sheep like apples. While humans live in fancy castles and trade things with each other and farm and such. Aren't giants just large people? Don't they have all of the same capabilities as humans? Why are they wearing togas made of leaves?

These are all of my unanswered questions.

So I guess you could say I'm on the side of the giants.
This just goes to show that you can argue in favor of anything.

That is all.

Fargo (1996)

Sometimes all you need is a little Fargo every once in a while to raise your spirits.
And I'm getting a little tomorrow in my film class. Gonna be a great time.

Let me just list off a few reasons:
1. Fargo is an incredible movie about good vs. evil and everything in between.

2. Marge Gunderson is my personal hero.

Just look at that focus.

3. This movie helps Minnesotans get in touch with their heritage and natural dialect.

Plus William H. Macy is everybody's favorite criminal.

4. It's got the greatest love story ever told.

Between a pregnant cop and an artist who designs stamps.

5. It's set in Minnesota, the greatest and most beautiful state ever.

We've got snow basically all the time.

6. I believe that's all the reason you need.

For a long time now I've wanted to own a fish. Or three.

I decided that if I had three fish I would name them Wade, Duke, and Troy after just a few of the great fictional romancers.
The name Wade is from a TV show on the CW that I shamelessly used to watch (but I don't have to post again about how much I follow the crowd when it comes to shameless entertainment, so...) named Hart of Dixie. And Wade, played by far too unappreciated actor Wilson Bethel, is a beautiful Southern man who frequently goes on outings without his shirt.
The name Duke is obviously from She's the Man, a capstone film featuring Channing Tatum. There are other characters too, obviously. Duke is the roommate of Amanda Byne's character Viola (Go Shakespeare! Twelfth Night! Wow! Exclamation Point!) who pretends to be a man and puts tampons in her nose and wow, I love talking about She's the Man.*
And finally, the name Troy comes from High School Musical (played by Zac Efron) because, just because. My three fish would woo the hearts of the other lady fish if they ever came across other fish that were ladies.
Even if my fish are ladies, these are the names they will be given in an effort to fulfill this dream.
I also feel like one fish all by itself in the lonely bowl would become depressed or fat from overeating, thus three's a party.
This dream of owning fish probably stems from my best friend owning a goldfish named Goldy.** She took care of her fish so hard that it lived for nine years.***
Yes, nine years. It was unreasonably large.
When you looked really closely at his face when my friend fed him food, you could see the love in his eyes. This is most definitely what I would like to experience with my fish. And it will be better because their names will be the names of popular teen heartthrobs, thus making them more exciting to bring up in conversation.
Like, "Wow! Wade, Duke, and Troy kept me up all night!"
I guess it could also be a bad thing to bring them up in conversation.
I also don't even know if fish make an exceptional amount of noise.

I'll end this post with a few fish jokes:
What do you call a fish with no eyes? ...Fsh
What did the fish do when his piano sounded odd? ...He called the piano tuna
What do naked fish play with? ...Bare-a-cudas

*I'm in a film class night now so no matter how awkward it may look, it's always important to italicize movie titles.
**My friend is really creative.
***I'm getting really into italicizing things. And we're getting into asterisks again.
Get ready.

I Really Don't Like Wearing Swimsuits

Because either you look good in a swimsuit or you don't and you can probably guess which category I fall into. I also don't like anything about the situations where one has to wear a swimsuit.
Like waterparks.
Waterparks are arguably the most confusing, disgusting, and shameful places ever. Everywhere you look you see someone that makes you wince and another that makes you stare. The water not only falls from every surface and tube to keep one disoriented, but becomes dirtied and transmits diseases as well.
So I don't like waterparks.
And then there's beaches. My parents told me that when I was three I refused to go in the sandbox. This mirrors the way I feel today about beaches. I hate walking across sand with my perfectly unsandy shoes and feeling the sand seep in between my toes and under my arches. And it isn't beautiful or exfoliating. So I guess I'm an indoor person who doesn't like beaches.
My dad showed me a book once that he had when he was a kid about fear from the perspective of children. It's audience was a little skewed, since the pictures were pretty dark and depressing, but anyway I read it. One page said fear was touching something with your foot and not being able to see what it was. This happens in a lake. Lake Sturgeon also dwell in lakes. They murk along the bottom and reek havoc on innocent civilians like me.
So I don't like lakes.