And Here's How This Impacts My Life Negatively

Once upon an afternoon when I was particularly pissed off, I created this document on my computer about the things I hate. I hadn't looked at it in a while. Here are its contents:

1. When people budge you in line. All conspicuously.
2. When the laces of your shoes get untied when you're walking.
3. When your pants are loose around the waist and you simply cannot bend over.
4. When your computer does something you don't want it to do.
5. Cow licks.
6. When you come home and have a zit you didn't have in the morning.
7. When you lose all your points when playing solitaire.
8. When the card you need to win is under an immovable card.
9. When the bookmark falls out of your book and you don't know where your place was.
10. When people borrow stuff and keep forgetting to return it even if you remind them.
11. When you forget your ski pass.
12. When people who are younger than you act like they are cooler than you.
13. When people yell at you and you have no idea what they are talking about.
14. When people don't listen to you.
15. When you get blisters on your heels and try to walk.
16. When you ask people to do something for you and they forget.
17. When your hair gets caught in one of the bobby pins in your hair and you don't know it.
18. When people dye their hair unnatural colors.
19. When people live in Minnesota and are still as tan as people who live year round in Hawaii.
20. When your nails break and it looks bad and hurts.
21. When you get hangnails. Then when you forget to clip it that night and have to put up with it for another day.
22. When you feel like a bear with a thorn in his paw.
23. When people always hit you and think it's funny.
24. When people try to scare you.
25. When people complain and do nothing else.
26. When people listen to their music so loud you can hear all the words.
27. When you are locked outside and the person on the other side doesn't open it for you.
28. When you're in a place where you have no access to chapstick.
29. When people complain and do nothing else.
30. When you get to school and realize the battery on your phone is about to die.
31. When you forget to set your alarm.
32. When all the blankets fall off your bed in the middle of the night and you wake up freezing. Then have to pick them up off the ground.
33. When you lose something and don't realize it until you need it. Desperately.
34. When you realize you like a boy and he goes and gets a girlfriend.
35. When people talk really loudly about something embarrassing. Especially if you are a part of the conversation.
36. When you get done with a test and realize you answered a question wrong.
37. When you sit before class awkwardly because you don't have anyone to talk to.
38. When a shirt doesn't look right and it was the only thing you planned to wear.
39. When your face gets really shiny.
40. When a cute guy stands all close to you and your body freaks out and you start worrying about everything. Like your breath. And your smell. And how stupid you sound when he talks to you.
41. When people ask if something is on your face.
42. When the floor is super cold and your feet get really cold.
43. When your mascara rubs off around your eyes and you don't know it.
44. When you are so tired of school but still have three classes left.
45. When you forget your coat and have to walk outside when it's super cold.
46. When people laugh at you when you aren't trying to be funny.
47. When people you don't know very well act like you're best friends.
48. When you hang something up on the wall and it falls down because the tape is sucky.
49. When it's super cold outside and you have to take off your gloves.
50. When people decide they don't like you and they've never spoken to you.
51. When you are really cold and there isn't enough blanket for your feet.
52. When your phone is ringing but you don't find it in your bag before it goes to voicemail.
53. When you accidentally throw away something important.
54. When you are hungry and it is very early in the morning.
55. When it is very late and you still have homework.
56. When you go running and get tired really fast.
57. When you look fat in your coat.
58. When you worry about a deadline.
59. Worrying.
60. When you are way more enthusiastic about something than others.
61. When you spill something dark on carpet.
62. When you spill anything at a friend's house.
63. When you break a dish.
64. When your socks get wet.
65. When you get out of the car and are surrounded by a lake of slush.
66. When you grow out of a really snappy pair of pants.
67. When someone won't stop texting you and you got things to do.
68. When you say something stupid in front of the class.
69. When you fall down.
70. When you pull a door that says push.
71. When you wake up during a really good dream and it will never come back.
72. When get stung a lot by a bunch of mosquitos out to get you.
73. When Joe Mauer gets engaged to some other Maddie.*

I also made a "Things I Love" page but it was far less entertaining.

*I have no idea if they are still together, but it really tore me up when I first heard.

The Sad Truth

I recently read the book, Bright-Sided, by Barbara Ehrenreich. The front boasted: "How positive thinking has undermined America". This was the main reason I was interested in reading it. Who has the nerve to say that being happy, which I believe naturally corresponds with being positive, is a bad thing? After I finished reading, I was kind of offended. Like other non-fiction books I find myself reading (i.e. The Dumbest Generation), the author constantly undermines the audience and bombards them with facts and figures to prove themselves right. Ehrenreich seemed so keen to notice the downfalls of others and was completely oblivious to her own mistakes. This is what made me dislike the book. But, some of what she said held truth. In certain situations, being realistic is a good thing. As in, if you believe in your heart that you won't die from jumping off a bridge, then get seriously hurt for doing so, you are crazy. You should be realistic in these matters. And in the instance of telling people, "Everything's going to be okay", you should stop and think to yourself how you would feel, because being blindingly positive is annoying. That I understand. Ehrenreich meant, underneath all of her negativity and logical fallacies, that just because being positive is wrong doesn't mean you should be negative. Instead, understand life for what it is and plan realistically.
As you can tell, I had mixed feelings. The book certainly made interesting claims that sparked serious questions.

As a conclusion to reading, I decided to watch Happy, a popular documentary about what being "happy" means to people all over the world. And I absolutely loved it.
It wasn't just some guy with a camera that jogged around to the world's most interesting places to take video of people laughing. It was about the science of happiness and why some people are happier than others. It described the difference between searching for happiness extrinsically and intrinsically. Extrinsically means searching for the approval of others and expecting that after good things happen, you will be happy. Intrinsically means searching for your own approval, surrounding yourself with family and friends, and having a desire to better the world. You can guess which group included happier people. Last summer, I worked at Camp Shamineau, a Christian camp in central Minnesota. There, I was surrounded by a welcoming group of people that loved to serve others and support one another in every way. I found that when I was there, I was happier than I have ever been. I was searching for happiness intrinsically, something that may or may not be the case ever since I've returned home.
The documentary also described the differences between Japan and Bhutan, Asian countries with very different views on the importance of happiness.

Japan, following World War 2, pushed for the importance of gaining success and money above all else. As a result of this, their people are chronically depressed and fall victim to "working to death", which they have a word for - karoshi.

Bhutan, on the other hand focuses primarily on "gross national happiness" vs. "gross national product" and are a much happier country.
At the end of the video, I had cried three or four times and was definitely on the side of happiness. During one of the scenes with old people from Okinawa (who are incredibly happy and healthy) folding paper cranes at the whopping age of 106, I was deeply concerned that I wouldn't be able to do so when I am old. I probably already have carpal tunnel.
My life is good and I have something to give.

I'll Save Your Seat

I first discovered Eliza Doolittle from a friend. "Rollerblades" is the first song of hers I'd ever heard.

As soon as I could, I bought the CD and my obsession was born. At this point, I've listened to the CD so much that I could probably write my college thesis on various interpretations of her work.
Part of Doolittle's image is the interesting way she dresses. Clad in high-waisted shorts and long, draped necklaces, she is the epitome of why Americans envy the British. I feel like she is arguably the coolest person ever.

Her raging British accent graces her music and makes it impossible for me to sing along without sounding relatively stupid. I still do.

She also has a website, which is just about as intense and hip as she is. The home page has a few color options so the viewer can pick their favorite for the background.

My favorite music video of hers is "Pack Up". I've never quite understood it, but that might be one of the draws.

We Can Be Heroes*

You know you've been on your laptop for too long when you avoid eye contact with your reflection in the screen. The important thing about this occurrence is that I decided to do something about it.
This goes right along with my theories that Apple and Facebook are in tandem trying to hack into our minds to install mini-robots they've invented together years ago. Of this I am deeply concerned.

But honestly, I spend so much time on my computer that I'm probably exceeding the yearly "healthy dosage" for radiation poisoning. Going along with that, I feel like getting no radiation would be the "healthiest". But that, again, reminds me that I could not - even if it was my one true dream - be a chemist. I have way too much creativity to handle that sort of occupation and am now frightened of microwaves (they give off "micro waves", which is, frighteningly, a type of radiation).
So, here is me doing my part.

Dear various technological devices,

I can't believe what you've done to me. You've completed me in all the ways I didn't know needed completing. At this point, I physically cannot go half a day without checking Facebook and I never take my headphones out. I never knew how much social networking I was capable of or the crap I could buy online with my parent's money. What with all the googling I take part in, my typing skills have done nothing but improved, not to mention the pointless information I've gathered that directly applies to my life.
Don't even get me started on the benefits owning a laptop has provided. Now, I can go into my room, completely secluded from the rest of the house and family to surf the inter-webs without interruption. The same can be said for owning an iPhone. When all of the cool kids whip out their smart devices in the hallway before class, I can participate in this "modern twiddling of thumbs" and further ignore my superiors. I couldn't be happier.
The internet in general has also provided for me tenfold. Not only is research at the push of a button, I no longer have to read books, own a dictionary, or participate in social interactions off screen.

I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad,**
Maddie.

*Musical Reference #1: David Bowie - Heroes (but you should know that)
**Musical Reference #2: Tears for Fears (but I prefer Gary Jules' version) - Mad World (you should know that too)

There Will Be Effin' Rest

One day I'll get this essay right. It's been pending for something like two months now and I'm still not getting that feeling where everything's going to be okay. I imagine when that time comes, light will sparkle down from heaven and illuminate me and my paper, which will levitate in front of me.
The name of my essay is There Will Be Rest, thus explaining the witty title of this post.
As you can tell, I'm having difficulties tying it all together. The essay is about sleep (sort of), but mostly it ties into the expectations students have placed upon them and the differences in cultures across the world and their influence on those expectations. I'm quite pleased with this concept, mostly because I came up with it myself.
In this very dire situation, I'm checking twitter for inspiration. I also decided that blogging about it would provide some clarity. I do happen to know that distraction is always helpful during the writing process.
"Brief" description of my writing process:

1. I decide that getting my assignments done is the best choice of evening time-spending.*

2. In order to proceed, I need to clear my head. I do this by cleaning my bedroom. As my mother always says, a clean room is a happy mind.

3. I pull up the document and get all of my thoughts out in the open.

4. Following step 3, I must leave the computer be so it gets the chance to settle down. So I get a snack.

5. I eat my snack and slowly approach the computer, which at any moment could retaliate.

6. I move some commas around.

7. Facebook taunts me and I click on the link I stupidly have attached to my home screen.

8. I probably get another snack and look at my work of art with new eyes. I move some more commas around and then print it out.

9. I stare at the printable copy for a while. I undoubtedly have an error that I didn't notice before, which is frustrating because I just wasted two or three pieces of paper.**

10. I fix the error and the essay smiles up at me contentedly.

11. I smile back at my essay and turn it in.

*I desperately tried to find another word for "time-spending" but was at a loss. I apologize.
**I want to make it clear that the error, whatever it may be, is a formatting one. I do not make spelling errors.

At any rate, this night was not a wasted one. I hope your night was not a wasted one either.
Here, I just listened to this song a few times in an effort to raise my spirits. It definitely worked.
*winks enthusiastically*

"Gum-Chewers"

The first step to recovery is admitting you have a problem. So, here goes. I, Maddie Swenson, am addicted to gum. I chew a pack a day and commonly run to gum to solve my breath problems. Wow, I feel tons better. Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.
When my German exchange student, Franzi, answered my question regarding what she had previously believed to be true about Americans (compared to what she currently believes), she told me that most of the stereotypes she had heard simply weren't true. She told me: Not all Americans are fat and we eat healthy food on occasion. But we do chew large amounts of gum.

Eclipse Car Cups = The greatest idea ever. $1.25 everybody.
Apparently there are those in other countries that refer to Americans as "gum-chewers". I am unsure as to how this makes me feel.
America is not a favorable country of origin if you are not, in fact, from America. Other places believe this to be the country of opportunity, but also a "dumb" and "fat" one. Americans believe that America is literally the best country ever and refuse to believe anything that contradicts that. It wasn't until recently that I learned we didn't score the highest on worldwide tests for students. We are raised to believe that America is a superpower in all ways. Anything that threatens us is ultimately dubbed the enemy and anything we do is AOK as long as we can cover up our motives for doing them later on.
Don't get me wrong, I love America, land of the free. I love being able to chew large amounts of gum and not be banished for doing so. I love being able to be sassy and not be stoned for non-conformity. I love being able to wear what I want and believe what I want. In America I can express myself.
But there are also no boundaries for those who need them. People who actually comment on Youtube videos and cut themselves for Bieber. Sometimes, America can be land of the "dumb" and "fat". But maybe we can change that.

Ca$hi

That title. Obviously playing with the commonly known healthy looking and expensive brand Kashi. I didn't make it up, but I found it entertaining. Below I have a link to a video about "Ca$hi" a parody of Kashi, that makes fun of the nature of this particular brand's commercials and more realistically applies their argument.
So here it is:
http://FunnyOrDie.com/m/7mqo